Escaping Reality

 

 

                I stared out the window and at the cloudy, rainy, and dark sky, wishing for once that there was sunlight filtering through the opening.

                “Laura.”

                I turned to see the nurse, clad in white scrubs and holding a clipboard.

                “The doctor will be in later with your medication.”

                I smiled softly at her, “Well, I’ll be here, now won’t I?”

                The nurse smiled and nodded, turning on her heel and strode out of the door, closing and locking it.

                I turned back to the window, sighing.  She and my doctor were the only people who regularly came to check up on me on a daily basis. Everyone else had left me months ago. I still remembered the conversations of my family members like they were only said yesterday. Each of them telling me that I would get better after the accident, so I could come home.

                The accident…

                It was an accident, that’s all it was. I didn’t mean any harm to anyone. My family recognized it, my friends said they understood. But the problem of the law was that they didn’t believe me. I wish they could see it from my side, that I was doing them a favor.  I was helping them. But, the judge didn’t see it that way, and sentenced me to this institution.

                I wish I could leave.

                That same thought ran through my head, day in and day out.

                You can’t stay here forever.

                Or at least that’s what my cousin said to me the last time she visited me, which felt oh so long ago.

                We aren’t going to come here anymore. You have to come to us.

                Oh that came true alright. No one had visited me in months; I was beginning to forget what my cousin looked like, or what anyone looked like. The only people that stood clear in my fogged mind, was that doctor and that nurse. But what the doctor has told me during the times he came in.

                You’re here forever, you do know that?

                We can’t let you leave.

                You are a danger to yourself and others.

                What you did was wrong.

                I didn’t want to think anymore. This is what happened when my medicine wasn’t given to me fast enough. I would start thinking about everything, rather than just lay down in my bed with an empty mind. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and onto my lap, making dark circles on the white fabric. I stood up and wrestled with the remaining lock on the window, gritting my teeth as it finally came loose and clanking to the floor. I slid the window open and looked back to the door before forcing my thin body through the small opening.

                The wind blasted against me as I climbed onto the balcony, and watched as the clouds cleared up, brightening the sky with the setting sun, painting it with the bright oranges, reds, and yellows.

                I’m finally leaving, and I’m coming to join you.

                Those were the last thoughts that consciously ran through my mind as I fell forward, feeling the nipping wind and lingering rain cut into me as I fell. I was at peace, knowing that I was finally escaping the place that held me down. And finally joining my family at last.